Sunday, September 09, 2007
I'm not lost, just undiscovered.
Do you ever feel like your life is a really large puzzle, you almost have the last piece, you think it's complete. Then you step back and realize, "I'm missing a piece, crap." That's how I feel about blogging. I think I have my life together, and then I realize I haven't blogged in over a month. Not that anyone is waiting on pins and needles for a post.

There are many things I could post about at the moment. I'll make a list of them, give a brief overview, and then tell a semi-entertaining story.

1. I started school 2 weeks ago. It's been awesome so far. I feel like a completely different person. I'm relaxed (most of the time). I enjoy it. I have some really funny and cute kids. It should be an awesome year, and still hard work.

2. It took a while adjusting back to the states. Let's be honest, I wasn't gone that long (2 months). But I loved Thailand. I miss how calm it was. I could breath. Jesus was tangible and visable. But again, back to trusting God. He put me here, with this job right now. And I am honestly grateful for it.

3. We had a girls/baby boys weekend last weekend. Seeing all the college friends was refreshing. Their kids are absolutely adorable. And their mom's refer to me as "Aunt Erika"-that warms my heart. (see Rosalyn's, Laura's, Mo's, Allison's,
Cassie's, or Rosalyn's blogs for more details).

4. I'm 24 and completely single. In all honesty, it's fun most of the time (sometimes lonely). It's also funny sometimes, especially in my interaction with guys.

Here's the stage: I'm in the headquarters at Bastdrop State Park, paying for my one night stay on their camp grounds. At this moment, an attractive park ranger walks in. Suddenly, I'm reverted to being 13 again. I don't think there are many 24 year old women (girls) who turn into 13 year olds when an attractive person from the opposite sex walks in. I awkwardly make eye contact and then shift my eyes to the right, and immediately begin figeting with the Texas State Park brochure on the counter like I had been searching for it all my life. And it hit me: I literally ignore guys I find attractive or even like. To take it a step further, the more I like someone the more I ignore them. I swear I'm 12 in a 24 year old body. Logically I think, "Erika, if you really want to know someone you going to have to talk to them." But then what happens? My words are stuck in my throat and my mind is racing with only this sentence, "Think of something to say...think of something to say...think of something to say...a question, comment, ANYTHING!" No...nothing. I literally cannot think of one single word, it's a crazy phenomenon.
And then I go home and wonder, "Why do I find it difficult to know guys?"
"I think the answer is blatant." I answer myself.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that if you don't start talking to guys you probably won't ever know them."
"You know, you bring a valid point," I answer myself again, "but that's easier said than done."

I'm still waiting on outgrowing the nervousness around boys. Hopefully that will happen...